Akin to drinking salted, melted chocolate ice cream— if I didn't hate the words so much, I would use ‘hearty’ and ‘robust’ in the review— but I won’t despite their germaneness. Lovers of thick, creamy chocolate milk look no further.
All tagged 8.0
Hiland Lactose Free Chocolate Milk
Great milky feel and a clean, if not somewhat tardy cocoa flavor. With the recent slew of lactose free whole chocolate milks to come out— it’s as good a time as any for the lactose intolerant.
Prairie Farms Lactose Free Chocolate Milk
Proof that lactose free can still be milky and natural feeling— this is a very welcomed, full-fat addition to the category. Does well to keep the sweetness on a leash and let the cocoa flavor shine, which it does more so in the latter half of the draw. This deserves to be more popular that I presume it to be.
Hiland Chocolate Peanut Butter Milk
Powerfully flavorful with a salty peanut punch that compliments the cocoa and finishes quickly and resolutely. It feels indulgent and leaves you wanting more— exactly how a holiday-themed chocolate milk should be.
Maple View Farm Chocolate Milk (plastic)
Chocolaty, creamy, a bit on the thick side, but ultimately delicious. I enjoyed the plastic bottle version better than the glass bottle version, but I have not had them side-by-side. Either way, you won’t be disappointed.
Ran-Lew Dairy Cream Top Chocolate Milk
Incredibly unique! Reminiscent of a bucket of chocolate popcorn— it’s salty, buttery, and chocolaty— firmly in that order— and is like nothing else I’ve ever consumed, save for the salty milk tea that was common throughout Mongolia.
Shatto Milk Company Cookies & Cream Milk
All the delicious excitement of melted cookies ‘n cream ice cream without the soggy Oreo bits (arguably the best part). It’s smooth, creamy, and appropriately flavored— the best cookies ’n cream milk I’ve had yet.
Fair Oaks Farms Chocolate Milk
Ultra smooth and surprisingly thin considering the fat content— it’s super drinkable, decently chocolaty, deceptively creamy, and unique for its category.
Kilgus Farmstead Chocolate Milk
I love the thin, clean viscosity, and how it carries more than its fair ration of cocoa. It’s also highlighted by a delicious creamy flavor that brilliantly outperforms its ‘2% reduced fat' designation.
Pot O Gold Pot Bellies Chocolate Milk
Unique combination of super thick, dense, creamy, and smooth— with a flavor that’s slightly more sweet than chocolaty. It’s best to take this in small, manageable sips— as an attempt to ‘chug’ could have serious repercussions— and also, the flavor is easier to appreciate at a more deliberate rate of consumption.
Pot O Gold Chocolate Milk
Unique combination of super thick, dense, creamy, and smooth— with a flavor that’s slightly more sweet than chocolaty. It’s best to take this in small, manageable sips— as an attempt to ‘chug’ could have serious repercussions— and also, the flavor is easier to appreciate at a more deliberate rate of consumption.
Smith's Old Fashioned Chocolate Milk
Mature arrangement of cream, cocoa, and muted sweetness that flourishes in the latter half of the sip and finishes clean— preparing you for the next draw without forcing you to rush.
Kroger Whole Chocolate Milk
Smooth, sweet, creamy, and delicious— it’s definitely the shining star of the Kroger portfolio. There’s a bit of a sugary aftertaste following the rush of flavor, but it’s easily dealt with by taking another gulp.
Twin Brook Creamery Chocolate Milk
Sweet, creamy, not terribly chocolaty, but still highly enjoyable. It disperses naturally, though leaves a bit of a cloying aftertaste— an easily forgivable gaffe given the circumstances.
Humboldt Creamery Organic Chocolate Milk
Strikes a fantastic balance of thinner viscosity with remarkable creaminess—perhaps the hardest thing to get ‘right’ for so many producers. It’s delicious and sophisticated feeling, though light on actual cocoa flavor. The ‘blindfold test’ might have more people guessing ‘vanilla’ as the flavor, but it remains a worthwhile pursuit for the chocolate milk enthusiast.
Producers Dairy Double Chocolate Milk
Chocolate and cream garner most of the focus— a refreshingly simple characteristic that is rarer than it should be. You can find stronger chocolate flavor elsewhere, but it’s nicely on display here and not held back by the other flavor constituents.
Trappist Dairy Hi-Calcium Chocolate Milk
Richly chocolaty in a mature, slightly under-sweet way. The strong cocoa is delivered through a chalky, yet still milky-feeling medium that does its job well. This wouldn’t look out of place in glass— be it on a supermarket shelf, or stemware at home.
Greenfields Choco Malt Milk
The more I have, the more I like it. Great ratio of cream/salt/sweet/malt— not necessarily in that order, but it just feels like it belongs together, as though it comes naturally in this form. It makes good on the claims of ‘chocolate’ and ‘malt’; a rare product that gets the balance just right.
Rosa Brothers Chocolate Milk
Alluring combination of thin viscosity and velvety creaminess, paired with a subtle malt and honeyish sweetness— it knows it’s good but refuses to boast.
Top O' The Morn Farms Chocolate Milk
Sweet, creamy, malty, chocolaty— perhaps in that order— it all adds up to a delicious chocolate milk that, despite its plus ratings in most categories, doesn’t stand out terribly far in any one aspect. A few moments post-swallow, you get a little bit of film that carries a drying property, but that’s a minor gripe considering the overall excellent package.